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Korrekturlesen: Kurzgeschichte Teil4
Status: (Frage) reagiert/warte auf Reaktion Status 
Datum: 15:37 Sa 24.10.2009
Autor: MonaMoe

The evening was beautiful and Liv wanted to leave. Peter took his courage together to ask her a third time if he might accompany her. And again she refused and left the pub. `... regardless of whether she has anything against !!!`said Lulu. What should he write Lulu in the next letter, that he would not dare? No. He ran after her and caught her up in the park. `I must also go through the park, I can not let such a beautiful woman like you run alone`, she heard Peter. She nodded and was pleased. `Are you alone?` he wanted to know. `No, not quite, I have a daughter. And yourself? `she told ` I have only a close ally, to whom I owe the pleasant evening. Liv looked at him in amazement. `Yes, she has stood me in word and deed aside. She told me, for example, that I should not let you go alone, it's also far too dangerous at night in the park `, Peter said. `Yes, however, and not only at night. My daughter was approached some time ago here in the park by a strange man, he wanted to be her friend and they met every week. ` Liv said,` What's wrong? You feel well? Shall I bring you home, dear? `Peter gasped. `No, no, it's all right. Maybe I should give up the last drink` he lied. They arrived to Lulu's house and Liv thanked him for the drinks. Peter looked at her lips as if he would read them. Liv felt desires and returned his gaze to her lips and finally touched. `Perhaps you ever come over for dinner?` she asked, `Tomorrow, 19h?` Peter agreed.
On his way home, he thought of Lulu. She had just known that the woman he fell in love with was her mother. She had advised him closely, because she knows her mother best. And most importantly, Lulu had apparently liked very much, that her mother also fell in love with Peter. She was smart. `Surely she sat the whole evening there, restless, and had formed ideas. Sweet little Lulu` Peter thought to himself before falling asleep.
The next day, Liv was very excited. She ran through the house, took things in hand, put it down again, ran from room to domain.What and how she should tell Lulu. Would she accept a new man in the house? `She is still so small and sensitive`, she thought. Lulu was sitting at the end of the hall and watched not only their mother, but especially the front door. It was just before seven and Lulu wondered if he was still to come. `Maybe he's mad at me because I have not told him or maybe he does not trust him.` said in her head even when the bell rang at the door. Liv looked into the mirror before she went to the door. A bouquet of red roses she laughed. She smiled. In the other hand, Peter gave a beautifully shaped lily a bit deeper. ` My favorite flower`called Lulu as she ran past her mother and jump into his arms. Her mother understood right away and after she imitated her  daughter. A new family was born.


        
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Korrekturlesen: Mitteilung
Status: (Mitteilung) Reaktion unnötig Status 
Datum: 16:55 So 25.10.2009
Autor: Lorli3

MonaMoe, ich kann mir nicht vorstellen, dass irgendjemand diesen Text korrigieren wird / kann: Du hast hier das Paradebeispiel einer typischen Wort-für-Wort-Übersetzung abgeliefert; eine Korrektur käme einer Neufassung durch den Korrektor gleich.

Lorli3

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